Monday, 20 January 2014

Something tasteful and affordable

A candle in a cut-glass candlestick stands between two shadows of candlesticks
Amongst the gifts I have given Neelam over the years have been DVD’s of David Attenborough documentaries and a fascinating book by Olivia Judson. The book, called “Dr Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation”, describes some of the weird and wonderful practices associated with mating that are found in nature .  At times the book reads like science fiction.  Some creatures (black sea bass for example), change sex when they reach a certain age.  For other organisms, having only two sexes (regardless of the occasional change) may be considered highly conservative behaviour. Some species of slime mold have up to thirteen sexes!

All in all though, these gifts were a BAD MISTAKE.  Neelam has been made aware of the lengths to which some males will go in order to woo their mates, and I do not always compare well.

The most familiar of such lengths involve the clashing of horns, the flaunting of muscles, lots of posturing, and occasional grunting.  A quick glimpse at my physique would show that I come low in the ranks of horny, muscular, posturing specimens (though I can manage the grunting); but fortunately that doesn’t bother Neelam much.

Another set of strategies involves sacrifice of some sort.  Occasionally, the sacrifice is of a body part (including some fairly intimate ones).  I’m relieved to say that Neelam has not shown an interest in such gestures.  However, the giving of gifts is a common form of sacrifice amongst males seeking to impress females, and this is a practice that does appeal to Neelam.  Gifts in Nature range from the presentation of tasty morsels and colourful baubles to the construction of a designer residence.  My gifts tend to come at the low budget end of this range, and with Valentine’s Day looming, I’m on the look-out for something tasteful but affordable. 

Much as I would like to present her with a Look-in-the-Bag, she already has a full collection, so it's not an option open to me; which is a shame because if I don't come up with an equally good alternative, there may be threats involving the sacrifice of at least one body part.

Sunday, 12 January 2014

Meeting Yorkshire's Favourite Reprobate

Friends who read the articles about Look-in-the-Bag mentioned elsewhere in this blog pointed out that they did focus rather more on me than on Neelam.  The reason for this is that the articles were about PRIME as well as about Look-in-the-Bag; and Neelam, being a mere stripling of twenty one and a bit*, is not yet eligible for PRIME’s assistance.  I was grateful therefore, when Radio Sheffield’s Jenny Eells interviewed us back in August and gave Neelam the opportunity to take centre stage in the feature.

*A very big bit!